Thriving after Divorce by Tonja Evetts Weimer

Author:Tonja Evetts Weimer
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: ATRIA PAPERBACK
Published: 2010-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

Here is an example of how one person discovered a core value, which became the deal breaker for his relationship. Andy is a divorced man who found a woman he thought might be his future wife. But sometimes he had some uneasy feelings about her.

He came to see me because he was getting more upset each day as he struggled to identify what it was. His doubts and worries confused him, he thought he was being a bad person to have them, and he blamed himself for thinking that this was just his way of getting “cold feet” and not marrying her. He said,

“My girlfriend is kind, attentive, beautiful, and well educated. We go to church together, hike in the mountains, love each other’s dogs, and talk about the future. I don’t know what’s the matter with me and why I doubt her. Everyone tells me how lucky I am that I’ve found her.”

I asked, “Have you ever seen her do something that was out of alignment? For instance, does she say hello to someone, chat him up, fawn over him … and when he is out of sight tell you how she hates him?” “Well,” he said.

“It seems like she has this ‘nicey-nicey’ behavior with me. It doesn’t feel real, but maybe I’m reading it wrong.”

Before his next session, Andy got the answer to his nagging doubt.

Early one morning in the middle of the week, he stopped by his girlfriend’s house to drop off a surprise gift on his way to work. He saw her car in the driveway and quietly let himself in with his key so he wouldn’t wake her. She didn’t hear him enter as she sat in her living room watching TV—with another man. They were both in their robes.

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